The Health Inspector
by SilverMoonGrimm
Summary: It's that time of the year again. Who's really in for the surprise in the surprise inspection of Dauntless headquarters?


**Title; The Health Inspector**

**Author; SilverMoonGrimm**

**Summary; It's that time of the year again. Who's really in for the surprise in the surprise inspection of Dauntless headquarters?**

**Warnings; Mention of a third gender person. If that offends you in some way, feel free to leave**

**Pairings; None**

**A/N; I don't even know were this idea came from. Read and enjoy. Please review! Authors love it when you guys review- it helps them improve and perfect.**

**Also, in case anyone feels confused by Taylor's identity (no, ve's not a secret agent), I refer to him by ver, a gender neutral ****term, meaning ve doesn't really identify verself as a man or woman. Feel free to PM me if you're still confused, I'd be happy to explain further. No, this isn't some sort of statement or anything, some people feel this way and, as a Candor-turned-Dauntless, I think ve would be open about that.**

**First Divergent story! :)**

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The Health Inspector

by SilverMoonGrimm

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"Hello, my name is Dorice Muttonchop from the National Safety Council. I'm here for your headquarter's annual surprise inspection." The young brunette stuck out her hand for Taylor to shake.

"Er, right. The surprise inspection. Just follow me; I'll show you around. Make sure to stay close. I'm Taylor Leeds."

"Thank you, Mr. Leeds. I hope you don't mind if I ask you some questions."

Despite looking like ve would mind very much, Taylor shook vis head. "Shoot away. I mean, go ahead." Ve had to stop blurting out these Candor sayings. Vis superiors had already talked to ver after a particularly nasty incident at the shooting range, and Taylor really didn't want to be demoted. "And it's Mx, not Mr."

"Mix?"

"Yes. M-x instead of M-r. And everyone just calls me Taylor, anyways." Although Taylor looked pretty similar to all the Dauntless guys, vis gender preference was currently undecided so ve preferred Mx to the other options.

Before they even got to walking anywhere, Taylor had to shoot out ver arm, preventing Muttonchop from being trampled by a herd of trainees jogging by.

"What was that?" She gasped. Must be her first time inspecting Dauntless.

Figured, considering no one ever volunteered to tour Dauntless twice.

Taylor grinned, realizing how fun today was going to be.

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"Interesting. So what's the net for?"

"It's to catch us when we jump off roofs."

"When you jump off roofs. And does this happen often?"

"Well, yeah. Part of training is jumping off a moving train onto a ten story building. How else do you expect them to get down?"

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"How often do you sanitize these needles?"

"Sanitize?"

"Has the ink recently been approved by the FDA?"

"The what?"

"The Food and Drug Administration."

"Last I checked tattoos weren't foods or drugs. Now, are you getting a tat or what?"

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"So, the boys and girls share their dormitories then."

"The children, until they turn eighteen."

"Including the hormonal teenagers."

"Duh. That's the best part."

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"Uh . . . is that safe?"

"Not really."

"Of course it isn't. Why would it be?"

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"Oh my! That child is carrying a _gun_!"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah she is."

"A _gun_."

"Yes."

"She's holding a _gun._"

"I'm pretty sure we've already established that. Several times."

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"Who decided it would be a good idea to give children guns?"

"Well, probably the person who figured out how hard it is shooting things by pointing a finger and saying 'pew'."

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"When are you planning on repairing the lights?"

"Oh, no. It's not broken. We as a whole feel that dimly lighted corridors make even mundane trips countless times more exciting. Plus, it gives the guys a dark and mysterious look I, for one, find very hot."

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"Where are we going n- AHH!"

"And this is the chasm."

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"_Why_, pray tell, is there a raging river in the middle of an underground base?"

"I don't know. Never bothered to ask."

"Never crossed your mind, huh?"

"Nope."

"I see."

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"Just out of curiosity, what kind of supervision is there?"

"Supervision?"

"Yes, you know, to prevent people from falling."

"None, I guess. I mean, everyone's free to come here, but it usually turns out to just be the initiates."

"The initiates."

"Yeah, the ones who aren't yet Dauntless."

"The ones least trained and most likely to accidentally tumble to their death."

"Yep."

"Naturally, of course."

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"Well, this place looks tidy enough."

"Why thank you. This is where we bring the faction leaders when we don't want to freak them out too bad."

"That's . . . nice."

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"Well," Dorice's voice was at least an octave higher than it had been this morning. "I see you've spent a lot of time on this. Th-thank you for your time and, uh, I'll turn in my report soon. Goodbye."

The lady turned and walked away with incredible speed. Taylor grinned.

"I'll bet you spending a night over the chasm that I'll get a worse grade than you."

"No way!" Taylor's friend, Dereck, stepped out of the shadows. "You didn't even break out the rats."

"I hate rats. Besides, I paid the chef to slip a couple cockroaches into her sandwich."

"That's cheating!"

"And what do you call last year when you _conveniently _timed the tour so you would reach the training room when Erik stood an initiate up against the knife target?"

Dereck shrugged. "Good luck. Besides, no one's ever going to be able to beat Erik's record. I swear, I didn't even know we _had_ city-wide lockdowns before him."


End file.
